Mar 31

Cherish Your Family Moments Together

Elijah's last meal

Last meal with Elijah

This is the last picture I took of Elijah. We were having a small family gathering for our Thanksgiving meal, and I thought I should grab a quick picture. I was probably more interested in photographing the food that I had cooked, and I didn’t even take time to make sure the lighting captured everyone properly. As it turns out, Elijah was the only one perfectly visible.

You would think that I might have cherished this picture from the moment we lost Elijah. By the end of the next day, he was in heaven. But I had forgotten until this week that I had even taken the picture.

We won’t see Elijah again until we gather together for a great feast in heavenly splendor. In Revelation 19:9 the angel said to John, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.”

There are three important things that come to mind when I see this picture. First, I remember that Elijah was the last one to the table. He was in the office at his computer through the door on the right. He insisted on spending time online with some of the friends that he was leading to the Lord. He asked me if he should tell them that he would take a break until Monday, but he felt an urgency even on Thanksgiving Day to mentor them.

Second, we were all thrilled at this meal to hear from Elijah and Isaiah the answer to a question Melanie asked. Melanie’s tradition at Thanksgiving has been to ask the family members, “What are you most thankful for?” Usually the kids all sigh and roll their eyes, but they answer out of respect for their mom. On this particular day Elijah and Isaiah each responded that they were most thankful for God’s love and for knowing the Lord. This was the first Thanksgiving that we had ever heard them say that. My immediate comment was, “You boys don’t know how long we have waited to hear that from you two!”

Lastly, this picture sends a message to all of us:  Cherish your family moments together. If your family is gathering this coming weekend to celebrate Passover or Easter, be generous with your hugs. Give extra words of encouragement and blessing and love. Laugh with each other.

And take lots of pictures.

“Be very careful, then, how you live–not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16).

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Mar 29

Can You Hear Me Now?

Elijah Star Gaze

I am posting this message on Palm Sunday. It’s the week before Easter, and Palm Sunday celebrates the triumphal entry of Jesus into Jerusalem surrounded by noisy celebration. Some of the religious leaders there complained about all the noisy people, but Jesus responded, “I tell you, if these become silent, the stones will cry out!” (Luke 19:40).

This made me think about something that Elijah and I would read together during the last month he was with us. As we studied the Prophet Elijah, we were fascinated at how God reveals himself. Noise usually draws our attention, and nothing compares to the noise that our planet can generate. Earth, Wind and Fire was a great band from the 70s and 80s, but the Prophet Elijah got to stand in the front row for a view of the original earth, wind and fire concert:

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.

And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. (I Kings 19:11-13)

There is nothing wrong with noisy celebration. But God is most likely to reveal himself to us in those quiet moments when we turn down the volume and remove the distractions.

A good friend of ours shared about a time when he was taking a walk in the woods some years ago near the very spot where Elijah was recently taken to heaven. As he stomped along the wooded path, he was disappointed at the lack of peacefulness he expected to find. It then dawned on him to pause, sit on a log and quietly listen. As he turned down the volume of his own distractions, he noticed how the woods came to life around him. And his quiet time with the Lord became one of his most memorable.

Elijah well knew the difference between celebration and communication. His girlfriend Madison shared this:

Over the summer I would beg Elijah to either take me on dates or come out and do something fun with me. But he would be stubborn and only agree to stargaze with me, which was great. He loved the stars and the outdoors. I am so grateful to have that memory with him. Because now when I can’t sleep, and I look out my window at the bright Arizona stars, I feel comforted in a way.

How many of us know how to slow down, quite our souls and listen to that gentle whisper from the Lord? It’s as though God is asking us, “Can you hear Me now?”

God loves our celebration and praise. But he waits until we stop making noise before he communicates with us.

“Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

My new favorite activity is gazing at the stars in silent communication with the Lord. Thank you, Elijah.

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Mar 28

How to build something of lasting value

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Elijah’s Birthday – Construction Party

Have you ever been in the middle of a big home improvement project when you suddenly ran out of critical supplies? It’s usually pretty easy to just run to the store. This past weekend some of my family and I were finishing a variety of projects on our lake house in South Dakota where Elijah loved to fish and swim. Since a visit to the nearest supply store required an hour round trip, we tried to store up as many things as we could in one effort. But as things usually work out, we had to take three trips before we were done.

A one hour round trip to gather our supplies made us want to set our priorities and do everything right the first time. Even with a long trip each time we ran errands, I realized that we were still not very good at thinking ahead and planning for our future needs. We laughed at ourselves, despite the inconvenience. But it reminded me of an old parable I had forgotten about.

A wealthy man died and was being escorted in heaven to his new eternal home. As he walked down the streets of gold, he saw what seemed like an endless row of breathtaking mansions. He pointed out one in particular that was especially beautiful. The angel of the Lord said that it belongs to a wonderful person that used to work for his company on earth. The man was excited, anticipating that his own mansion must be indescribably ornate.

Eventually they came to a pitiful looking shack thrown together with scraps of leftover material. The man looked sympathetically at the shack and commented that the owner must have been very poor. “On the contrary,” replied the angel, “this is your new home. Unfortunately, we could only build it with the materials you sent us while you were still on earth!”

The words of Jesus come immediately to mind:  “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matthew 6:19-20).

We are always building something, whether of earthly or heavenly value. Every day is an opportunity to set our priorities, and reestablish where we invest our time and energy and resources. It’s all about location, location, location! In this case, it’s a choice between eternal value or temporary earthly gain.

Elijah’s girlfriend Madison shared with me some of the text messages that Elijah exchanged with her in the weeks before his death. In one exchange, Elijah spoke about building something of lasting impact. He said, “I’ve told 5 people about God being real. Imagine if each of them told like 1-2 people or more, and those people told more people. It all started from me. Isn’t that a cool thing? But I want the glory to go to God and not me.“

Elijah has helped many of us reevaluate our priorities here on earth. What are we spending our time building? Are we spending our efforts on things that only bring personal comfort and temporary benefit? Or do we have our hearts set on heaven, helping as many others as possible share in the beauty and splendor of eternity?

There will come a time when we won’t get a second chance to make a quick run to the supply store.

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Mar 26

Can Things that are Bitter Make Us Better?

Elijah with Lime

We all know what it feels like to suck on a raw lemon. The facial expressions can be pretty funny. For some reason, Elijah used to love eating raw lemons and limes. I think he liked to prove how tough he was. But watching him was always good for a laugh and some memorable pictures.

Why do lemons taste so bitter? More importantly, can things that are bitter make us better? Outside of our bodies, lemon juice is very acidic. Normally things that are acidic are bad for our bodies. Our cell structures break down and are damaged in an overly acidic environment. That’s why it’s important for us to maintain a pH level that tends more towards being alkaline rather than acidic.

But lemon juice, despite tasting terribly bitter, is transformed by our bodies from acid to alkaline. The lemon juice that makes us pucker is one of the best things we can digest to help maintain a healthy pH level that is more alkaline.

It probably seems strange that some of the things we find bitter can actually make us better. That’s true for our bodies, but it’s also true for our souls. Life is full of bitter troubles. Not many of us welcome that bitterness directly, but God promises to transform our bitter troubles into restored health.

“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.” (Psalm 71:20).

But here is the catch:  just as lemon juice must be consumed to be transformed from bitter acid to healthy alkaline, so must our bitter troubles be embraced before God can use them to restore us to health.  That bitterness can be caused by the loss of something or someone we love. It can be caused by a personal challenge at work or with friends and family. Perhaps your bitter struggle is a prolonged battle over a health issue. For our family, the loss of Elijah was the start of many bitter troubles that have affected our finances, our health and our relationships.

Every one of these troubles tastes bitter to our souls. But once embraced, God will use those troubles to make us stronger and healthier. The old saying really is true. If life gives you lemons, don’t throw them away. Make some lemonade.

The bitterness will lead to ‘betterness’.

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Mar 24

First Things First

Elijah Birthday with sisters

We all like to remember special events in our lives. Usually we commemorate important events with recurring annual celebrations. We celebrate events like holidays, anniversaries and birthdays. These were all first time events at one time, and they are significant markers for us as we watch the years go by.

First time events can be really exciting. I wonder if you can remember your first kiss, or what you did on your first date. You will certainly never forget your wedding day, or the birth of your children. Those are usually happy events. Admittedly, my first kiss was so awkward that I remember it quite vividly for all the wrong reasons!

As our lives get busy, we lose some of our enthusiasm for first time events. Even birthdays can seem mundane. Today happens to be my birthday. Thanks to Facebook, I can at least feel like I’m not the only one to notice what an important day it is! Facebook will leave a nice reminder to my ‘friends’ to send me a little word of appreciation for that first time event of entering this world as a little baby.

But not all first time events are happy events. If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, you discover a whole new calendar of first time events. Christmas without Elijah came upon us less than one week after his funeral and burial. It was our first Christmas in nineteen years without him. Since we lost Elijah, I will be the fourth family member to celebrate a birthday without him. If you have grieved the loss of a dearly loved family member, you will understand why a birthday is more a time of reflection than celebration.

The pain of loss sharpens our awareness of significant events. Gone is the mundane life, with declarations of boredom and feelings of discontentment. Each recurring celebration this year is a new first for our family. Each new event is an event without our beloved Elijah.

Thanks to Elijah, I spend a lot of time thinking about the most important first time events in my life. When we lose someone we love, we focus a lot more intently on loving those around us. We value what was once taken for granted. And most importantly, we spend more time appreciating the loving relationship we have with our Lord.

As the years go by, our loving relationships are supposed to grow stronger. But they are also supposed to stay exciting. Jesus reprimanded one of the early churches when he said, “But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!” (Revelation 2:4).

We have all been called to live our lives on purpose. It really shouldn’t require a significant loss in our lives to focus on what’s most important. Each new day is full of wonderful first time events, if only we would pay attention. And the greatest first time event is the chance that God gives us each new day to fall in love with Him all over again.

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Mar 17

What’s in a Name?

Elijah Sleeping

These blog posts have been focused on looking for the hand of God in the midst of our tragedies and trials. We can find encouragement in seeing God’s fingerprints on the events of our lives, and we can often see triumph when we otherwise feel hopeless.

Much of what I share here relates to our son, Elijah. As we look back on both his life and his death, we find that God’s fingerprints were all over Elijah in ways we didn’t always notice. That was especially true when we consider his name.

The Bible says, “A good name is more desirable than great riches” (Proverbs 22:1). When we named our fourth child ‘Elijah’ we wanted to choose a strong biblical name that reflected God’s power and might. By his own admission, Elijah did not like his name. But during the last few months of his life, he entirely changed his viewpoint.

“I now realize it is similar to just my name Elijah and how shy I was about it, because Elijah was such a great prophet of God and I saw so many similarities in how he was calling me to reach people for him.” (Elijah 2014). Elijah wrote that message in the month before he died.

During that month, he and I spent a lot of time reading about the prophet Elijah from scripture. Our Elijah knew that God had gifted him in very special ways, and he finally grew to love his name after nineteen years! He saw so many similarities in his life to those he saw in the prophet Elijah. I will share here a particular section of scripture that Elijah and I spent time studying together. But first it will be enlightening to understand some of the events that happened the night we lost him.

Elijah hadn’t slept for nearly three days, and he hadn’t eaten in more than a day. We don’t know everything that contributed to his disturbed mindset that night, but we know that when he fled our home into the woods he was really not in his right mind. He had a history of fearing that he would be pursued by the law for things he did when he was 14, and he viewed our call for help that night as a threat to him.

We know that he never made it out of the woods that night. Instead, as we understand the effects of his fatigue and hypothermia, he simply laid down and fell asleep.

Now, here’s an abbreviated account of Elijah from 1 Kings 19:

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. He went by himself a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.

None of us knows when our time on earth is finished. But the Lord does. And for Elijah, our Heavenly Father had a perfect plan. He used Elijah’s life to touch many people with the good news of God’s saving grace and love for us. And he is using Elijah’s death to show us that we can find His fingerprints even in the midst of what seems like tragedy and loss.

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Mar 15

The Eyes Have It

Elijah Eyes 2

How do you see the world?  It’s interesting that we never ask how you hear the world, or how you taste or feel the world. As it turns out, the eyes have it!

We think of our eyes as an amazing way to gather information about the world around us. The eyes are like visual sponges, soaking up the things we see without necessarily even being aware of what we we’ve seen. But the eyes have something that none of our other senses have. They provide a natural reflection of what’s going on in our hearts and minds.

We have to try pretty hard to hide our inner feelings and intentions so our eyes don’t give us away. Even children are quick to pick up on what our eyes are saying. When our daughter Brittany was a little girl, she asked her mom to watch a little dance she had made up. Melanie was busy doing laundry but still offered to be Brittany’s audience. Even though Melanie was preoccupied with laundry, she said to Brittany when the dance was finished, “That was really good.” Without skipping a beat, Brittany responded, “Watch me again, Mommy. But this time with your eyes over here!”

Our eyes can say a lot about what we are feeling. We can easily tell if someone is sad. We can notice when there is a twinkle in someone’s eyes, and we are pretty good at using the eyes to judge shame and guilt. We can even gauge a person’s passion and enthusiasm by what their eyes naturally tell us.

But there are even more amazing things about the eyes beyond what the they see and what they reflect.

First, in both a physical and figurative sense, the eyes are a filter into our hearts and minds that help determine our outlook on life. As Jesus said, “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.” (Matthew 6:22). It’s not just what you see that matters. It’s how you see it.

You know what it’s like to talk to someone who seems blinded to some particular truth. A friend of mine from college once said, rather ironically, “I can’t see how some people can be so blind.” When truth is twisted or information is only selectively gathered to support our mindset, we dim the light that otherwise should fill our souls.

We were so blessed to have the notes that Elijah was writing before he died. One of the encouraging things he wrote was on this very subject of seeing things correctly. He wrote, “Some people think they aren’t capable when they really are and they just don’t see it with the correct mindset.” (Elijah 2014). A healthy view of the world comes from seeing things through eyes that discern truth and look for hope.

Secondly, we have the strange ability to link into other people’s eyes. While I may be able to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, it’s much more incredible that I am able to see things through someone else’s eyes. Try seeing the world through the eyes of a child. It will change how you live.

Lastly, and most significantly, is our ability to see things that cannot be seen. We actually have the ability to see the unseen.

It is comforting to me that Elijah’s favorite scripture verse was 2 Corinthians 4:18. It was part of the last thing he texted to his sister Tina. “So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.“

I think I see what he meant.

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Mar 14

Broken

Elijah Crackin

‘Unbroken‘ was one of the best books I’ve read. I’m still waiting to see the movie. I can’t imagine how difficult it would have been to endure all the intense brutality and suffering those soldiers experienced. We admire their ability to remain unbroken. But I want to focus here on why it’s important to actually become broken.

Consider the egg. There are so many uses for eggs besides enjoying them as food. They’re used in cosmetics, glue, first aid, plant food and jewelry. But as a food source, who doesn’t love the taste of eggs? Our son, Elijah, loved eggs. He ate them almost everyday, and would remind us how inexpensive they were compared to other food. He would even order egg white cartons by mail. The last meal I ever cooked for him was a large bowl of scrambled eggs with bacon and cheese.

Eggs are delicious all by themselves, but they are great for enhancing other foods. First, they can be used as a binder. Second, they can be used as a leavening agent in baking. Third, they can be used to add flavor. But before you mistake this as a food blog, let me get to the point. It doesn’t matter how nutritious, tasty and useful eggs are if they remain in the shell.

What happens if an egg is never broken? If the egg stays in the shell, it rots. When it rots, it stinks. The smell of rotten eggs is even added to natural gas as a warning indicator because it smells so bad. An unbroken egg is worse than just a waste of potential. It’s repulsive.

So here’s the catch. The eggs we use for cooking are never going to break themselves. For us to take advantage of the many qualities of eggs, the shell has to be broken from the outside.

Anyone of us who has lost a loved one knows what it’s like to be broken. Among my first conversations with God after we lost Elijah was to ask Him how I could ever be put back together again. Sort of like the Humpty Dumpty syndrome. But I’ve realized that being broken is a necessary first step to God using us.

We don’t even know necessarily how God will use us. Maybe he will use us as a binding agent to help bring people together. Maybe he will use us as leaven to help raise awareness of heavenly priorities. Or maybe he will simply use us to help others enjoy the flavor of His daily bread. But none of that happens until we have first been broken.

“The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God” (Psalm 51:17).

The next time you feel broken, try giving thanks to God that He didn’t allow you to rot in your shell. And start looking around at how God will be able to use you to enhance the lives of others. Once broken, He will not abandon you.

Elijah Contemplating

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Mar 12

Who Do We Blame When Tragedy Strikes?

Elijah and Isaiah Stern Face

Is chaos inevitable? We like to think that bad things are mostly avoidable. Maybe they actually are, but we still say things like, “Oh well, accidents happen.”

I’m reminded of our final month with Elijah when I was fussing about how often he would break our drinking glasses. After breaking his fifth glass in a week, I asked him to stop using our nice drinking glasses for his tea. He said, “Dad, it’s not my fault. It was an accident.” I responded by saying something like, “It’s only an accident because you weren’t paying attention!”

The next day he was holding in his hands yet another drinking glass while talking to me. As we spoke, the glass simply fell from his hand and crashed to the floor. We looked at each other in silence, and after a few seconds we both laughed out loud at the irony of the moment.

It’s certainly true that ‘accidents happen’, but we often like to think they’re avoidable. We even like to figure out why tragedy happens by identifying the apparent causes. If we can identify the causes, we can suggest that things might have turned out differently.

But there is a big difference between learning from our mistakes and pointing the finger at those responsible. When we say that things ‘could have‘ been done differently, we enter a learning opportunity. When we say that things ‘should have’ been done differently, we enter the blame game. From my experience, most of us are more interested in finding out who do we blame when tragedy strikes.

The blame game is as old as Adam and Eve. When God confronted Adam about eating the forbidden fruit, Adam said, “The woman you put here with me–she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” (Genesis 3:12). My favorite example of the blame game is when Jesus shows up late to the funeral of his beloved friend, Lazarus.

By the time that Jesus arrived at the funeral, Lazarus had been dead for four days. His sisters Martha and Mary had urgently requested for Jesus to come while Lazarus was ill. Now they were both visibly irritated. Mary didn’t even want to go out to meet Jesus on the road with her sister Martha. But each said to Jesus the exact same thing when they individually spoke with him. They each said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11:21, 32).

They didn’t know if Jesus ‘could have’ been there, but they certainly believed he ‘should have’ been there. They knew that Jesus ‘could have’ healed Lazarus, if only he had shown up on time. Tragedy had struck hard. Lazarus had died, and they were still deep in mourning. In their minds, Jesus should have come sooner to prevent the tragedy. It’s his fault this happened.

Of course, Jesus delayed his arrival to the tomb in order to demonstrate the glory of God. To everyone’s surprise he called Lazarus forth from the tomb, alive. You will read where many people believed in him after that miracle. But I cannot find it written that anyone apologized to Jesus for blaming him.

When things go well, we happily direct our focus to the future. When tragedy strikes, we more easily direct our focus to the past and play the blame game. It isn’t constructive, and it rarely benefits anyone. That’s true in our relationships with each other. It’s especially true when we play the blame game with God.

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Mar 10

Don’t Be Sad!

Mimi and Ellie talk about Elijah (2)

How do you grieve over a significant loss? For me, it boils down to two things: trying to survive the intense pain and sadness, and the desperate effort to figure out whatever is next. The first one requires comforting. The second one requires determination.

I don’t know how you can avoid the painful part. Melanie and I still cry almost every day. We miss Elijah so much our bones ache. But as painful as it feels, we try not to resist the emotions. After all, even Jesus wept. He grieved the loss of his beloved friend, Lazarus. When those who were at the grave site saw Jesus weep over his friend, they said, “See how he loved him!” (John 11:36).

When we love someone, we want to be with them. Separation saddens us. Permanent separation feels paralyzing. So those who comfort us over the death of our son will often remind us that our ‘permanent’ separation is really only ‘temporary.’

Jesus offered that very same comfort, even while he was grieving. He told Martha, the sister of Lazarus, “Your brother will rise again” (John 11:23). Nothing takes away the permanence of death like the assurance of life after death. And what better hope than to be comforted by the very one who can fulfill the promise of resurrection.

But if you need to be comforted by someone besides Jesus himself, you’ll find it from a child. Children know when we are sad. And their words of encouragement are pure. Our two year old granddaughter Ellie would often greet Melanie and me by putting her hands on our cheeks, looking into our eyes and saying, “Don’t be sad. Yijah’s in heaven. Yijah’s with Jesus.“

The picture for this post was one I recently took of Ellie and Mimi (Melanie) talking about Elijah. Whether it’s an enthusiastic hug, a tender conversation or laughing together, a young child is like medicine for the heart. Sometimes the greatest comfort comes by just hearing of what Ellie says when we aren’t even there. My daughter Tina shared with me Ellie’s comments one day when they were chatting. Ellie was saying, “I love Papa. He makes me laugh. He’s so funny. He makes me happy. Papa sad. Papa sad because of Yijah. Mimi misses Yijah and Papa misses Yijah, and Papa misses us.“

There is something deeply comforting in the simplicity of understanding and the trusting heart of a child. No wonder that Jesus said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3)

There are a lot of people who have said to me, “Don’t be sad.” But when little Ellie says that, my sadness turns to joy. I feel like I become a little child, too. And we both end up giggling together.

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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