Feb 17

50 Shades of Real Grey

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I have to admit, when the book “50 Shades of Grey” first came out, I thought it had something to do with hair coloring. Now there is a movie, and I am pretty sure it has nothing to do with old age. After all, gray hair doesn’t sell many books or movie tickets.

But all the box office buzz this past weekend got me thinking about how we treat people with gray hair.  Society seems much more interested in glorifying youth.

Proverbs 16:31 says, “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life.”  As a reluctant member of the gray hair club, I like this verse. But I’m just a ‘baby boomer’. I was actually thinking about those we refer to as ‘the greatest generation’. That would include my 95 year old father-in-law, David Maas.

Grandpa Dave has lived in our home for the past four years or so. He has severe dementia, and all our friends and family know how difficult it has been for us to care for him 24×7. But we have a profound appreciation for the impact and testimony of his life. He is greatly loved by all who know him. I have personally known him for nearly four decades. His gray hair has truly been gained by living a godly life.

Knowing all that, I still find myself less patient than I should be in caring for Grandpa Dave. The daily burdens can blur my perspective. So it is humbling to me that my two young sons have taught me the most about patience, and about treating the elderly with honor and respect.

Elijah would frequently be the one who gently walked grandpa back to his room at night to settle him back into bed. Isaiah will sit with grandpa and respectfully allow him to talk about things that no longer make for meaningful conversation. Elijah would ensure that grandpa was nicely fed when we couldn’t be there to make his meals. Now Isaiah is doing that for grandpa as well.

I’m thrilled that they honor the elderly, as stated in Leviticus 19:32. “You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God.”  

Everyone of us hopes to live a long life, surrounded by loved ones, and wearing our gray hair as a crown of glory. And yet we continue to celebrate youth. We color the gray, and we try to hide the wrinkles. Elijah didn’t have the chance to grow old and gray. Most of us will. And God willing, we will enjoy every shade of gray along the way.

Maybe it’s time that we took the time… to embrace our gray. And to embrace the graying elders among us.

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Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Feb 15

Is There One Thing That Best Defines You?

Elijah carrying Jenni (2)

If you were to review your life in photos, is there one thing that best defines you? The photo I used for this post is one of my favorites. The reasons may not at first be obvious.

Of course, it captures Elijah in a spontaneous state of joy and laughter. He is enjoying a fun moment with his cousin Jenni Maas. The event was the wedding of our daughter Brittany and Eddie Kirsch. It was a beautiful summer day in 2013, and we had so many great memories.

There aren’t many pictures that we would say perfectly define us. But I especially like this picture because it best defines how Elijah approached life. Not the fancy clothes. Not the Justin Bieber haircut. Not even the smile. It’s the fact that he is carrying someone on his back.

Elijah was a great athlete and a true team player. But when things got tough, he wanted to be the one who helped carry his teammates to victory. He was one of the top players in World of Warcraft, and would actually make money carrying other players to new skill levels. He had such a gentle and tender heart that he would frequently be the one to help take his 95 year old grandpa back and forth to his bedroom. Whenever anyone needed a ride, he would willingly drive the car. Whenever there were groceries to carry in or furniture to move, he would be there.

Mostly, though, Elijah wanted to carry the world to the cross of Jesus. He had such a burden to take God’s love to the lost. He spent quite a bit of time encouraging and mentoring people online. Over Thanksgiving Day he was concerned that he might be ignoring his online friends, and I suggested that he would be OK to rest for one day. He couldn’t resist, though, and still spent a couple of hours that day communicating words of hope. That was his last day with us.

Elijah wanted to reach the world with the good news that God can lift our burdens. And Elijah, more than most young men, knew what it was like to carry personal burdens. That’s part of his life story and testimony of victory in Christ. But his desire to carry others to the same place of freedom was what characterized this amazing young man to the very end of his short life.

Here’s another reason I really like this picture. It reminds me of a recent dream. I certainly don’t remember all my dreams, and I don’t dream that often about Elijah. But this one stuck with me. Elijah had scooped me up in his arms and was running along roads and fields faster than a speeding car. He never said anything, but just looked at me and smiled. He seemed to be showing off. But maybe he was just in his true element. He was always happiest when he was carrying someone. And in many ways, he is still carrying me. My passion and desire for eternity is reignited because of Elijah.

I have a renewed appreciation for what the Apostle Paul said when facing hardships and persecution: “I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” (Acts 20:24)

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Feb 13

The Secret for the Ultimate Gift on Valentine’s Day

Melanie with the Boys

Did someone you love do something special and memorable for you this Valentine’s Day?

Valentine’s Day is big business. In the U.S., over $20 Billion is spent per year on cards, flowers, candy and jewelry. That amounts to about $130 per person. Why do we spend so much money to express our love and affection?

I’ve lived through enough Valentine’s Days to know that my expressions of love are now more of an obligation than a romantic surprise. The penalty for forgetting the special day can be worse than the reward for remembering it. Even though I sound a little cynical, I actually enjoy celebrating Valentine’s Day, .

One thing I have figured out for sure. If I want my gift to be not only special but memorable, I need to do two things. First, I need to make sure that my expression has the element of surprise. And second, I need to ensure that my gift has permanence. Candy and flowers don’t have permanence. And they hardly offer the element of surprise. My options for creating something both special and memorable seem pretty limited. Do I really have to bust the budget in order to demonstrate my love and affection?

As I was preparing for this Valentine’s Day, I learned some invaluable lessons of life from our son Elijah. In his last month with us, he randomly left a voice message for Melanie. Melanie was asking me this week to help her turn that message into a ringtone on her phone. She wanted to keep Elijah’s sweet message with her all the time. She wanted it with her wherever she went. As we listened again to the message together, I watched Melanie’s heart melt. And in that moment where our tears were a mix of both joy and sorrow, I realized what Elijah had accomplished.

He showed that the ultimate gift of love is best when least expected. He showed that the most memorable gift of love does not have to be costly. He had a choice to hang up and try to call his mom later, but instead he left his valuable message on the recording. We now have that message with his voice as a permanent gift from him.

Essentially, Elijah showed that romantic love can never compete with the love from a son to his mother. As a father and husband, I can best love my wife by making sure my children know how valuable and wonderful is their mother. Here is what Elijah left for Melanie on her voice mail at the end of October:

I just wanted to call you and say… well first of all I was just wondering where you are, but…
That I love you and that, I want to see how you are doing,
And that I just wanted to tell you that I care about you a lot,
And that you are the best mom I could have,
And that you mean a lot to me,
And … I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me
That’s what I wanted to tell you..

Every single day is difficult for us without Elijah. The holidays will never be the same. But at least this Valentine’s Day we will celebrate the ultimate gift that Elijah left for his mom. We are thankful that he did what so many of us never take the time to do. I will now find more ways to surprise the people I love with permanent messages of kindness and thoughtfulness and love. And it won’t even have to be Valentine’s Day!

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Feb 12

Would You Rather Laugh or Cry?

To Laugh or Cry

If given a choice, would you rather laugh or cry?  I think most of us would choose laughter.

Laughter is such a great expression of joy and happiness. It’s even more obvious than a smile. A smile makes us think that someone is content and happy, at least for that moment. But laughter is like an explosive smile. Something hilarious has triggered some irresistible release of joy. And it’s infectious!

When someone around me laughs without me knowing why, I have a crazy desire to find out what was so funny. I want to share in the humor. I’m sure we have all laughed in private, but laughter is meant to be shared. Everyone wants in on the fun. Whether I’m giggling, chuckling, LOL or LMAO, it’s more fun to share the humor. That’s why we tell jokes and make fun of things that seem silly. Some of my happiest memories are times with friends and family when I laughed so hard my stomach hurt.

The opposite of happiness is sadness. Just as laughter exposes our happiness, crying exposes our sorrow. Unlike laughter, I certainly don’t find myself rushing to join in with someone who is crying. But crying can be as infectious as laughter. There is some sort of emotional connection that allows us to identify with someone else’s sadness.

Who doesn’t want to be happy? But not many of us actually want to be sad. Sadness is caused by emotional pain. While we are drawn to happiness, we usually try to avoid pain. Unfortunately, the things that cause emotional pain take us by surprise. And one of the greatest causes of that pain is the loss of a loved one. Especially our children.

Children are not meant to die before their parents. Those of us who have experienced the loss of a child realize that we are members of a small club that no one wants to join. But we also realize that our pain now allows us to understand the sorrow that others have gone through.

And here is one of the greatest lessons I have learned through this process: I now have an intense hunger for heaven that I had never experienced before. I can hardly wait for the day when I will be reunited with my Elijah in the glorious splendor of heaven. It has forever changed my perspective and my priorities. Laughter could never have done that for me.

Would I choose crying over laughter? No, I wouldn’t. But don’t feel sorry for yourself if you have been thrust involuntarily into deep sorrow and pain. The experience will refine you. It will mature you. And you will know how to comfort others.

I had never really noticed the following verse of scripture before, but I think it sums it all up:

Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. (Ecclesiastes 7:3)

Sorrow can set my direction. Laughter just helps me get there.

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Feb 11

What’s Your Greatest Weakness?

Elijah Superman

Which is easier: naming your greatest strength or naming your greatest weakness?

When we are young, we sometimes imagine that we are invincible. Elijah used to think he was Superman. One day he was in our master bathroom dressed in his Superman pajamas. He was only four years old. I heard three things that made me laugh out loud. First I heard him declare, “I’m Superman!” Then I heard him run across the bathroom floor and slam hard into the bathtub. Finally, I heard him whimper: “Owie, owie, owie.”

As we get older, we develop various strengths by working to overcome our perceived weaknesses. But we will always find more. Sometimes the weaknesses are physical. Sometimes they are mental. Sometimes they are flaws in our character. No matter what they are, we think of them negatively.

So it probably seems odd to ask which of our weaknesses is ‘greatest’. After all, how can our flaws be associated with greatness? How can we find perfection in our insufficiencies?

The Apostle Paul pleaded with the Lord to remove what he thought was his greatest weakness. He referred to it as a thorn in his flesh. But he didn’t get the response he was looking for. Instead, the Lord said to him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Elijah believed that his own ‘thorn in the flesh’ was an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). He was never diagnosed, but he knew that he would focus so exclusively on certain things that he would neglect even simple necessities of life. But that behavior helped Elijah come with great intensity to a saving faith in the Lord.

Elijah spent most of his last few months with us researching, reading scripture, praying and helping others find hope in God. In his last text message to me he said, “I spend tons of time talking to God before going to bed.” And he even told his mom that he needed to hold off on some of his school work while he focused on reaching people for the Lord.

It was through this experience that Elijah actually embraced his OCD behavior. He would even boast about how many other famous people had OCD, such as Albert Einstein, Beethoven and Michelangelo. Without his weakness, Elijah might not have found the Lord.

The words of the Apostle Paul make even more sense now. “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (v10).

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Feb 10

Can You Solve This Problem?

Elijah In Deep

How do you explain the unexplainable? How do you measure the immeasurable? How deep is the unfathomable?

I rarely use the word, “unfathomable.” It’s a great word, but for some reason I trip over it when saying the word out loud. But I’m using the word a lot lately, and there is a specific reason why. My son Elijah used that word in one of the last things he wrote. He was writing about life.

“Think of how Unfathomable the life we live really is… ” (Elijah 2014)

When something is unfathomable, it is by definition vast and limitless. When something is unfathomable, it is incapable of being fully measured. It cannot be totally understood. We will never be able to completely explain it. I guess if anything fits into that category, it would be the life we live.

Who among us can solve the problem of explaining the unexplainable? At least we can appreciate that humans are the only living things interested in trying to understand life.  We want to know how we got here. We try to figure out what we are supposed to be doing while we are here. And eventually we all want to know where we go after our life here ends.

Each question leads to a deeper dive into the unfathomable mysteries of life. It seems the more questions we ask, the more questions we encounter.

What else would we consider to be unfathomable? The universe seems pretty unfathomable. Elijah loved to gaze at the night sky and marvel at the vast expanse of the stars. I wish I had spent more time doing that with him.

But at the top of the list of everything unfathomable would be God Himself. After all, He is the one who created the vast universe. He is the one who gave us our unfathomable life. The scripture puts this in perspective for us: “Who can fathom the Spirit of the LORD…?” (Isaiah 40:13).

How many of us pause long enough to appreciate how spectacular and marvelous is life itself? We may not fully understand how we got here. We may all struggle to live our lives with purpose and value. We may all long to know what it’s like to experience eternal life. But the starting point of our understanding is humility. We may not have the answers, but we have been given a solution. We can turn our attention to the one who holds all the answers: God Himself.

Some of us will spend a lifetime trying to figure that out. Elijah hoped we wouldn’t wait that long. His passion was that we make God our starting point.

“A life this unexplainable only can lead to one true explanation… God!” (Elijah 2014)

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

Feb 09

You Won’t Believe It!

Elijah Fishing

Seeing is believing. Or so it seems.

Elijah loved to fish. He always caught more fish than any of our family. It was almost as though he had some superpower vision that allowed him to see beneath the water’s surface. And any of us who have ever fished know that fishing is the art of catching the unseen. We have to guess where the fish might be located; we have to guess what kind of bait might be most interesting. We have to keep looking for places in the water where we imagine that the fish are just ready and waiting for our fishing line.

Of course, there is always a surge of excitement when a fish takes our bait. We have a sudden confirmation that something unseen was actually under the water after all. Until we bring the fish close, we don’t really know what kind of fish we caught or how big it is. For that matter, we don’t even know for sure if it’s actually a fish. I’ve hauled in many weeds that seemed like big fish as I was bringing in the watery vegetables.

And most of us probably have a story about the big one that got away. One day I was cleaning a large string of fish that we had caught. Elijah never wanted to stop fishing, so he was bringing me fish almost as fast as I could clean them. But I laughed when he came running, excitedly telling me that he had just caught the biggest fish ever. When I asked to see it, he told me it got away. As I laughed, he said, “Dad, you gotta believe me! It was bigger than any fish you ever caught.”

All of us have said, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”  But I wonder how many of us ever say, “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

Elijah had a knack for seeing what was unseen. So none of us are surprised that one of his favorite scripture verses was from 2 Corinthians 4:18. “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” He sent that verse in one of his last text messages to his oldest sister, Tina. In the text message, he felt that people were not taking God seriously enough because they were focused on the things that can only be seen.

Elijah knew that our lives would be transformed when we finally learned to focus on the things that are unseen. Those are the things that are eternal. And now he is seeing them for himself, firsthand. I’m certain that he is one of the most excited people in heaven!

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Feb 06

Safe Surrender Site

 

 

Safe Surrender Site 2

Safe Surrender Sites have been around a lot longer than these signs have.

In a recent trip to California I took this picture from the side of a fire station. There are laws now in all 50 states supporting the safe and legal surrender of newborn children. But this was the first time I had seen such a sign firsthand. I must admit that it kind of took my breath away.

Having just lost our teenage son, I cannot imagine what it would be like to voluntarily give up my child: never knowing who would care for him; never knowing if he would be happy and healthy; never knowing if I would ever see him again.

What if there was a Safe Surrender Site where we knew that our children were given the best care in all the world? What if they were guaranteed to be happy and healthy? And what if we had the certainty of one day being united again?

What if such a Safe Surrender Site were available to each of us, and not just to our children? Unfortunately, it would only be valid and legal if we were actually newborns. If you are reading this, you are already well beyond your ‘Born On’ date!

But there’s some really good news. “You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’” Those are not my words. Jesus said that (see John 3). So we can, indeed, be born again. More importantly, we ‘must’ be born again. And there’s a chance for us to surrender ourselves at a Safe Surrender Site.

More good news: The ultimate Safe Surrender Site has been around for a very long time. Several thousand years, actually!

at-the-foot-of-the-cross-2

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

Feb 05

What in the World?

Elijah and Captain America

A mother had often asked her little girl, “What in the world are you doing?” She laughed when she heard her daughter one day asking her doll: “What are you doing in the world?”

These days I think a lot about Elijah and what he was doing in the world.  One of his last text messages to me was a reminder of what he was doing in the world: “I am going to change the lives of millions of people and spread the word of God because that’s what God’s plan was all along, and he gave me amazing gifts.”

To Elijah everything seemed to be an exciting challenge. When he was a little boy, he would ask how God would do in battles against a variety of foes. After a while, he realized that every scenario ended up with God as the obvious victor. So he started asking questions about how I would do against various foes.

One morning he asked me in his usual cute voice: “Dad, who would win in a battle between you and all the people in the world?” I smiled and said, “Buddy, there are a lot of people in the world!”  Without hesitation he responded: “Yeah, but there are a lot of really WEAK people in the world!” I couldn’t help but laugh.

During his last two months with us, Elijah often read and discussed with me this passage of scripture from Ephesians 6. “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power” (v10).  We knew that without God, changing the world would be a pretty tough battle.

But one of the most important things to do before going into battle is understanding your foe. So if we want to be doing something transformational in the world, we might want to start by memorizing verse 12: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.“

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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Feb 04

If Only…

Elijah Straining Forward

Living on Purpose can sometimes be as simple as the difference between ‘if only’ and ‘what if’.

Ask yourself: “Do I spend more time looking back at things that have happened, or looking forward to what might happen next?” The first approach can lead to regret, disappointment and bitterness. The second approach can lead to hope, optimism and joyous anticipation. Think of how difficult and dangerous it would be to drive a car while only looking in the rear view mirror.

To be sure, we all want to learn from our mistakes. But dwelling on our mistakes, even obsessing over them, can destroy the joy in our lives. The negative emotions can overwhelm us when we fix our minds on the past: “If only I had done this or that…” or “If only I could have avoided this or that…”  Life doesn’t have an ‘undo’ button.

Setting our sights on the future allows us to experience life on purpose. “What if we decided to do this or that…?” or “What if we changed our plans so that we were able to do this or that…?”  Those are the forward thinking questions that can raise our hopes and establish positive goals for our lives.

Elijah had figured this out by the age of nineteen. He wrote these words in hopes of inspiring as many people as would listen: “Follow your dreams and passions and don’t sit around living someone else’s life” (Elijah 2014).

I’m reminded of a very important verse from the Bible that seemed to define Elijah. He didn’t like to dwell on the past. He didn’t care if he lost a game against someone, but always wanted just one more chance to try to win. His goal was always to win the next match. Congratulations, Elijah. You won the ultimate prize.

“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:13-14).

 

Please ‘like’ and ‘share’ this post as you find it helpful and inspiring. Thank you.

-Ken Buchanan

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